stilljustandrew: (d20s)
stilljustandrew ([personal profile] stilljustandrew) wrote2014-07-11 11:52 am

[oopfsb / darkest timeline matt jamison] commentary track

He struggles with himself for close to an hour before deciding to write Matt a note instead of going to see him again.

I talked to Nita and she says I'm not going to die of this. I thought you should know.

When he heads to the Security office, he's really not intending to stay any longer than it takes to hand the note off to Baby. He's definitely not intending to talk to anybody there. Because no. That's not happening.

And it doesn't. What happens instead is that Baby tells him about how Matt received a visitor and put the surveillance video of their conversation under privacy lock, and requests his assistance in determining whether any of it is something Security should see.

He's too close to this issue and he knows it, but it's not as though Baby can show it to anybody else.

So he takes an empty cell, soundproofs it, and settles in to watch.

When the translucent figure appears in the ring, his attention focuses in hard. The last guy was a girl --

Maybe this isn't her, though. It's hard to tell, from the way they're talking. They're saying I tried to kill someone, says Matt, and her response sounds like she wouldn't be surprised to find out that he did ... but it's devoid of any tone that seems to imply he was her murderer.

I knew I was hurting him, he says, but I wasn't trying to kill him, and Andrew's throat tightens hard.

This was a bad idea, he thinks, distantly, detachedly.

(It doesn't occur to him that he could stop watching.)

The name Abigail is familiar; might or might not be the girl who stabbed him -- and it occurs to him for the first time to wonder whether she had good reason. Whether, for instance, Matt did something like this to her. Or tried to.

He hasn't made any move to hurt her the way he hurt you.
So you don't think he's -- escalating.
Well, he got her to stab you. That seems like escalation.


Wait. "He who?" Andrew says aloud.

I wanted you to know ... that I believed you.
About what? Hannibal Lecter?
Yeah. I still don't remember --


"What?"

He runs it back, plays the bit of dialogue again; Beverly's image says Hannibal Lecter again, several times.

What. The frell.

He manages to hold out the possibility that they had some conversation about the book or the movie, one of the books or movies, some Darmok-style reference that would make sense to both of them and not necessarily to any listener ... until Will Graham's name comes up.

He understands Lecter better than most. Better than I do.
He told me I was his pet.


"Oh god."

Not a literary reference, not some abstraction. Matt's boyfriend. Hannibal Lecter.

Look, says Matt in a choked voice, I -- I never thought I was anything to him, really, I mean maybe I hoped --

It hits like a punch to the gut. Andrew lets out a soundless huff of air, bending forward over the ache in his belly, the knuckles of one hand pressed to his mouth; he stays in that position for some time, staring at the screen, unable to look away.

Because it's all starting to make sense now, a terrible kind of sense.

(And he should have seen it sooner, should have recognized it, but how could he ever have guessed that someone like Matt could be lonely, could need anyone else's approval that badly --)

He hurts people, Matt. Believe me.

"Believe her," he says aloud, "you have to believe her --"

I know. I thought ... we were the same.
I've never seen
him cry.


Matt's not the only one crying. Andrew has to stop the playback for a moment and just sit there hunched over, rocking unconsciously back and forth in his seat, covering his face with both hands.

Oh god. Oh god, Matt, how did he get you.

He regains control of himself, wipes his eyes, swallows back the painful lump in his throat, runs the recording back a little ways, watches it again. Focuses on Matt's face when Beverly talks about the drugs and the knife, when she asks if he remembers how Hannibal treated him. When he says he thought he and Hannibal were the same.

I just want to know why you did this to me, he remembers saying, and Matt answering it's my nature. And wouldn't it be entirely like the classic Hannibal to encourage that idea? Or even -- oh god, or even plant it in the first place?

Are you sorry? Beverly asks -- and hadn't he asked the same thing himself? And Matt answers being sorry won't fix anything, more or less the same answer he gave Andrew.

Beverly has a better answer than any he could have given: Maybe not for the dead.

And I'm not dead. Matt, listen to her, I'm not dead --

That tremor of Matt's mouth, the brightness in his eyes: is it for the dead or the living? (Something about giving water to the dead crosses his mind; he brushes it aside.)

They're saying I can change, Matt says, and his heart leaps up painfully. With some help. And I wouldn't have to anymore.

So are you going to?


Andrew isn't quite conscious of the fact that his hands are clutched into fists on his knees, that he's whispering under his breath: "--yes, tell her yes, Matt, you can change, you don't have to do this, please --"

Try, yeah, Matt says, and Andrew draws a gasping breath and lets it out in something like a sob.

The video progresses; Beverly (Agent Katz, apparently?) talks to Matt a little longer, and tells him again to do what he can to help the living. He seems to take it to heart. It has the feel of a conversation winding down, and indeed it ends shortly thereafter, with Matt breaking the circle and releasing the summoned ghost.

Andrew wipes his eyes, sniffs hard, and runs it back to watch again.