(no subject)

Meg found out I talked to Todd. After I'd said I was going to avoid him. She was furious. And scared. I don't think I've ever seen her so scared, not even after what happened with Dream.

Spent most of the day out by the lake. Meg wasn't here when I came back in.

I'm such an idiot. I don't know what I expected.

She's right, you know. She's tough. Like Anya. Tough and beautiful and brave. And I'm not. I wish she hadn't said it, but it's true. I'm not tough. I've never been tough.

But being tough and beautiful and brave didn't save Anya.... No. It saved me. She saved me. She died saving me.

Not again. I don't care what I have to do, that is not gonna happen again.



Yeah. Like there's anything I could do to stop it. I couldn't save Anya. I couldn't even save her body for Xander to give a proper burial --


I want it to stop. I want him to leave us alone.
And I don't know what to do.