[oopfsb / darkest timeline] Millman, Session #1

[stilljustandrew]

"So can you bring me up to speed?" is the first thing Dr. Millman asks him, once they're settled in one of the infirmary's consultation rooms. "Nita didn't give me too much of the context."

Previously on Milliways, he thinks (with what he really wishes were more genuine humor), and takes a deep breath. And plunges in.

The first time he met Matt, trying to read auguries in the fragments of a broken teacup. How quickly he'd warmed to him, talking shop about different magic systems; how he'd offered to show Matt the Council Library sometime.

"And that's not something I should have even considered with a guy I just met, you know?" he adds in an aside. "I mean there's sensitive stuff in there, information that could be seriously dangerous in the wrong hands ... I don't think he took anything but the point is I didn't know, I -- god," he groans, "that was so irresponsible."

Comments

[stilljustandrew]

That actually gets a small choked laugh, even as he wipes his eyes. "Hit me."

[comm_npc_2]

"First one: now that we've talked a little, what do you think you want to get out of continuing therapy?"

[stilljustandrew]

"I want to get my head straight again," he says, and then looks away with a wince. "I, I mean ... you know what I mean. Like you said. I want to work through this. And I want to stop being this ... this pathetic."

[comm_npc_2]

"Pathetic?" Mildly.

[stilljustandrew]

"Come off it," he mutters miserably. "I am. I'm such an easy mark it's not even funny. Even he could see that much, that's probably why --"

The tears are threatening again; he drags an angry sleeve across his face and continues unsteadily. "I mean, I can't even hate him. I miss him. He literally didn't care if I died from what he did to me and now I miss him, how sick is that?"

[comm_npc_2]

"I wouldn't call it sick at all," Millman says steadily. "But do you think you'd feel better about it if you could hate him?"

He sounds more interested than disapproving.

[stilljustandrew]

"I think I'd feel better about me," he mumbles, and after a moment adds "... no I wouldn't."

[comm_npc_2]

"I didn't figure." Gently. "But it bothers you that you don't? And that you miss him?"

[stilljustandrew]

He nods silently, his face burning.

[comm_npc_2]

"Okay, I'm gonna ask you to think about this between now and our next session: how would you rather feel about him now, if you could choose? And why?"

[stilljustandrew]

Another nod.

What he doesn't say, as they segue into making plans for the next session -- the hour's already up and past -- is that he doesn't think he'll need to think about it for long.

He pretty much already knows.