[reverse darkest timeline AU: cellthread #2]

[stilljustandrew]

[Previously: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5]

What's worried Baby the most, over the past few days --

Well. What's upset her the most is Andrew's consistent refusal to speak to her mind-to-mind, or out loud beyond the few necessary words she might exchange with any other inmate, such as requests for food, fresh clothes, an extra blanket.

But what's worried her is that he hasn't asked for anything to pass the time. No tablet with games or videos on it, no pencil and paper, no baseball to bounce off the opposite wall.

No books.



In the cell, Andrew finishes his breakfast (cornflakes, with sliced banana), sets aside the bowl, and settles down leaning against the wall.

Comments

[gothamsheiress]

"I'd have asked the same. What do you think now would have been the right question?"

[stilljustandrew]

"... Maybe the same one I said to you. What I could do to feel better about it. Except I don't think I would've listened, back then."

He glances up at her, then back down.

"I, of course I couldn't really Summon Him. But it got His attention when I tried, and He came anyway. And I think that's when He decided He wanted me."

[gothamsheiress]

". . . Because you interested him?"

Her voice has a hint of an edge -- not directed at him.

[stilljustandrew]

"Maybe, yeah."

A faint tremor of a smile. "And, I mean, He knew who I was. Because Sam knew."

[gothamsheiress]

"Of course."

The edge is out of her voice, sheathed again.

". . . You wanted to ask Sam why he let Lucifer possess him. Were you hoping for a certain answer?"

[stilljustandrew]

He chews his lip for a moment, and then shakes his head. "I don't think so. I think ... like you said. There wasn't an answer that would've satisfied me. Even the real answer, which ... there was no why. It just had to be."

[gothamsheiress]

"But if it has to be, that implies that there's a reason. A goal, at least."

[stilljustandrew]

"Maybe. I don't know. Destiny? -- Do you believe in destiny?"

[gothamsheiress]

"It depends on the day, to tell you the truth," she says, deeply rueful.

[stilljustandrew]

"Yeah."

He opens his hands, as though to let the idea slide out of them, and clasps them together again.

[gothamsheiress]

"You speak as though you do believe in it, though."

[stilljustandrew]

"I don't know if that's the word for it, or if maybe there's a better one, but ... some things just have to happen. Or, not even have to, just ... will happen. Inevitably. You can't fight them."

[gothamsheiress]

She shakes her head.

"Then why live, in Elua's name? If our choices and our desires mean nothing, in the grand scheme?"

[stilljustandrew]

"Because --"

He stares at her blankly, clearly at a loss.





" ... do you mean why in general, or, or ... why do I?"

[gothamsheiress]

She waves a hand.

"Do you have an answer for either?"

[stilljustandrew]

He swallows.

"In general, it's ... I mean it isn't everything that's inevitable, it isn't like everything's fixed and there's no free will. I mean I think there is. Most people, most of the time."

[gothamsheiress]

Brix is not the least bit subtle about her eyebrow raise, this time.

[stilljustandrew]

"What."

[gothamsheiress]

"Is that why you live, or why the rest of us should?"

[stilljustandrew]

"I ... I mean you said, why live if your desires and choices don't mean anything, and I, I just mean ... it isn't like that for everybody."

[gothamsheiress]

"Yet you told me before that we're small. Insignificant, in the larger scheme."

[stilljustandrew]

"Right," he says, "but ... but the larger scheme isn't the scale most people live on? And, and that's okay."

[gothamsheiress]

Brix looks genuinely puzzled.

"How do you mean, 'most people don't live on the scale of the larger scheme'?"

[stilljustandrew]

"Like -- the big things, the really important things, that affect the whole world? They don't come around that often. Like, whole generations can live in between them, and, and they can just ... go about their lives. Be the biggest thing in their own lives."

He's frowning down at his knees, working hard at coming up with the right words. "And you don't even necessarily see the larger scale, unless ... unless you get called on to serve something greater."

[gothamsheiress]

"You aren't wrong," she says slowly, frowning herself.

"But then those people must be the most insignificant of all, surely. If the choices and will of those who are called to serve" -- she gestures at him -- "matter not at all, then the choices and will of -- of a laundress in a country town matter less than nothing."