stilljustandrew (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
stilljustandrew) wrote2016-10-18 07:36 pm
stilljustandrew) wrote2016-10-18 07:36 pm
Entry tags:
Her eyebrows go up.
"Why not? It might be good for you."
"If you got angry?"
She sounds genuinely surprised.
"Andrew, of course not. I'd be more worried if you weren't angry,
in your circumstances. And if you need someone to curse at or strike or to
hold onto you, to be angry, I can be that someone."
He holds very still, barely breathing.
"I," thin and stifled, "I think I would prefer not to do that."
"I," thin and stifled, "I think I would prefer not to do that."
"Then you don't have to. That's all right."
She gives him a
close look. "But is there a reason you'd rather not get angry?"
"It's ..."
A beat, and he looks away.
"I don't want to make you angry at me. And I, I don't want to ... take anything out on you."
A beat, and he looks away.
"I don't want to make you angry at me. And I, I don't want to ... take anything out on you."
"You think if you get angry, that will make me angry at you?"
She lets out a breath.
"I beg your forgiveness if I've made you
fear that," softly. "I know I haven't always had the best control of
myself. But that fault lies with me, not you. Certainly not you."
It's a small thing -- but she feels her heart lift. Small progress is still
progress, after all.
"What would he do, if you were angry?"
Andrew blinks at her.
"I ... He didn't do anything. I didn't get angry at Him."
He says it like it's an impossibility.
"I ... He didn't do anything. I didn't get angry at Him."
He says it like it's an impossibility.
She frowns. "I find that hard to -- understand."
He frowns in turn, looking down at his knees, trying to find the words.
"I think ..." Slowly. "Like you said before. You, you can't get angry at the center of the universe."
"I think ..." Slowly. "Like you said before. You, you can't get angry at the center of the universe."
Brix nods slowly.
(She may disagree, but she understands what he means.)
"You may not have been angry at him, but were you never angry?"
(She may disagree, but she understands what he means.)
"You may not have been angry at him, but were you never angry?"
"... Sometimes." Very soft. "Mostly early on. At Meg, or, or whoever. And I'd ... mouth off at whoever it was, try to like ... score points by talking."
"It never did any good. In the long run."
"It never did any good. In the long run."
She takes a deep breath, lets it out.
"That was wrong of them, Andrew," she murmurs. "It was a way to control you."
"That was wrong of them, Andrew," she murmurs. "It was a way to control you."
"It --"
His lips tremble, press together hard.
"I know."
His lips tremble, press together hard.
"I know."
"That's good," she says, nodding.
"Anger . . . is no bad thing, in and of itself. If it becomes all-consuming, it harms us, but trying not to feel it is a poor solution in the long view."
"Anger . . . is no bad thing, in and of itself. If it becomes all-consuming, it harms us, but trying not to feel it is a poor solution in the long view."
"But I got angry with Tom." Barely audible. "And Nita, a little. When they were here."
He shakes his head, pulling in his arms and knees tighter.
"It doesn't matter."
"It doesn't matter."
"All right."
Brix glances down at her hands.
"You haven't always been happy with me, either. Understandably so."
Brix glances down at her hands.
"You haven't always been happy with me, either. Understandably so."
Page 7 of 13