[reverse darkest timeline] if i'm not beyond repair

[stilljustandrew]

Composing the note takes him the better part of an hour, and a great deal of cross-outs and scribbling.

Brix,

I was wondering if y
It's been a
How hav
You said if There's been some stuff and I wanted to

If you have some time to talk could you let me know? I'm doing I think I'm still doing better but something happened and I'm not I wanted to tell you about it.

Thanks,
Andrew

He writes out two clean copies of the note, leaves one at the Security desk and one with Bar.

Comments

[gothamsheiress]

"If I put a candle on this table, you wouldn't touch it indiscrimately, would you? You learned long ago that a flame would burn you, and to be watchful for what else could be hot enough to harm."

She gestures at him, his demeanor, his neat appearance. "And since I have known you, you've come to understand new things about your former master and about yourself. You've learned that it helps you to write things down, and you're beginning to learn how it is you love. So I think you can learn to think before you trust -- to look for signs of whether a person is worthy your trust and your love and your surrender."

[stilljustandrew]

He's quiet for a long moment, biting his lips shut, trying to believe her.


"So, like ..." Carefully. "What do you think would be a sign that someone isn't worthy?"

[gothamsheiress]

Brix shakes her head.

"I'm more curious about what you think. You said you've trusted bad people before. What makes you call them bad?"

[stilljustandrew]

"One of them manipulated me into murdering my best friend."

It's low and flat, and rapid, as though trying to get all the words out in one breath.

[gothamsheiress]

Well, that's . . . yep, that's bad.

After a moment, Brix nods.

"That's certainly not someone to put your trust in.

"You don't have to answer this now, if you'd rather take some time. But when you look back at that time, do you see the things they did to manipulate you?"

[stilljustandrew]

"Oh yeah." He doesn't look up. "I mean, this was ... years ago. I've thought about it a lot."

[gothamsheiress]

"Do you think you would recognize those things again?"

[stilljustandrew]

"I think so," he says slowly. "But ... I don't know if I can tell the difference between someone doing those things to use me and someone doing them to help me. Because -- I mean, the only thing the First ever did that nobody else did was lie to me about who it was, and, and Lucifer didn't do that, but everything else -- I think everything else?"

With a jerky movement, he reaches for his notepad and starts leafing through it for a blank page.

"I just, I mean -- Buffy kept me prisoner for weeks and made me think she was going to kill me and I would deserve it if she did, and Morpheus put me through hell with nightmares for my own good, and Tim told me I could be a hero, and Sam, and, and you --"

His voice has been growing shakier, and rising; he cuts it off, and shuts his eyes.

"I'm not, I'm not making any sense, I need to write it down."