[reverse darkest timeline au] all you want is refuge

[stilljustandrew]

He goes back to his own cell, after the exorcism. And lies down, after a while.

Nita's okay. She'll be okay. There's no reason for him to feel this shaky.

Except there is. Oh, there is.

He's trying not to think about it.

Comments

[semicharmed]

Matt decides to take a nap and a shower, which turns into going to sleep and taking a shower. Probably for the best: it gives him time to sort through his emotions. Including the prickly, jumbled ones.


Eventually, he concludes that however else he feels, Andrew deserves a thank you.

So here he is in the Security Office again, ambling down towards his cell.


"Hey, uh--this a bad time?"

[stilljustandrew]

Andrew sits up abruptly on his mattress at the sound of Matt's voice, eyes wide and startled.

"What? No, I -- it, it's fine."

[semicharmed]

"Aces."

He's not sure what to make of Andrew's initial reaction, but uh, maybe he was walking too quietly? He smiles, only a little awkward.

"I mostly just wanted to say thanks. For your help with the demon."

[stilljustandrew]

He stares, mouth a little open, like it's the last thing he expected.

"Uh," he says, "I ... thanks? I mean, you're w -- I --"

(Apparently he's determined to make up for all the awkward Matt isn't bringing to the table.)

He rubs a hand over his face, and scrambles to his feet. "Listen, I -- I was hoping to talk to you. Before. I ... I wanted to tell you I'm sorry."

[semicharmed]

Matt nods slowly.

"Yeah," he says, though in more of a soothing tone than a comprehending one.

[stilljustandrew]

"For what I tried to do to you. Before. I just ... I'm really sorry."

His voice grows smaller as he finishes.

[semicharmed]

Matt may need more time and space before he can truly hear him. But he tries to let the words sink in. Let them penetrate.


"Yeah," is the first thing he manages. "I got the impression, ah, that you've been doing better lately."

[stilljustandrew]

"Yeah. I mean ... I guess, yeah."

Very low: "I don't want to go back to him anymore."

[semicharmed]

He sucks in a breath.

Lets it out gently.


"Congratulations."

It runs the risk of sounding sarcastic, but he's absolutely in earnest. Even if, at the back of his mind, he's pretty sure Kali would advise him not to trust this declaration.

[stilljustandrew]

His face burns; even in earnest, that congratulation stings.

"So ... so I had to help Nita. If I could."

[semicharmed]

A frown.

"I'm not sure I understand the connection," he says, trying to make sure these words land a little lighter. "I mean, I could guess, but I'd rather hear from you."

[stilljustandrew]

"I mean I would have -- I would have wanted to help anyway, but..."

His fingers twist together in front of him.

"He wanted people with power. Like her. Like you. That's what he sent me here for. I was, I was afraid -- if that was what the demon wanted her for --"

[semicharmed]

Matt nods.

And waits to see if he'll finish the thought.

[stilljustandrew]

He isn't sure it even makes sense now, saying it out loud.

"I had to stop it," he whispers anyway. "I had to try."

[semicharmed]

"Why did you?"

[stilljustandrew]

He looks up, blinking.

"Why did I ...?"

Didn't he just say?

[semicharmed]

"Why'd you ... especially have to help if that's what the demon wanted with her?"

Interestingly, though he is interested in the answers Andrew gives, all he feels at the moment is a nice calm numbness inside.

[stilljustandrew]

Maybe it doesn't make sense, then.



"Because I know what he'd do with her."

[semicharmed]

"Ah."

Matt nods slowly.

"Yeah. All right."

[stilljustandrew]

"What did you ..." think, is how that's supposed to end, but it's barely audible even to begin with and trails off into nothing.

[semicharmed]

He frowns at him.

"I'm just trying not to assume anything."

[stilljustandrew]

He swallows, and his gaze flicks away. "Okay."

With something of an effort, he pulls his hands away from twisting around each other, brings them down to his sides.

[semicharmed]

Andrew looks, to Matt's eyes, like even Matt's presence here is hurting him. He huffs out a soft breath.


"Like I said ... I'm grateful for your help. And I'm glad that your--outlook has changed."

[stilljustandrew]

"Thanks," he says, and bites his lip at how bare it is, how insincere it must sound.

"And ... thanks for, for letting me. Help."

[semicharmed]

"Sure."



He's not sure whether to keep going or not.

But after a moment, he adds:

"I don't think a lot of this is my business. But I want you to know, I'm hoping that--"

A rueful smile.

"That you'll be able to heal from your pain. As hokey as that may sound."