[reverse darkest timeline AU: cellthread #2]

[stilljustandrew]

[Previously: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5]

What's worried Baby the most, over the past few days --

Well. What's upset her the most is Andrew's consistent refusal to speak to her mind-to-mind, or out loud beyond the few necessary words she might exchange with any other inmate, such as requests for food, fresh clothes, an extra blanket.

But what's worried her is that he hasn't asked for anything to pass the time. No tablet with games or videos on it, no pencil and paper, no baseball to bounce off the opposite wall.

No books.



In the cell, Andrew finishes his breakfast (cornflakes, with sliced banana), sets aside the bowl, and settles down leaning against the wall.

Comments

[stilljustandrew]

"It's ... I serve Him. I took oath to Him and now I do what He commands. That's what service means."

[gothamsheiress]

Brix's eyebrows climb again.

"What he commands?"

[stilljustandrew]

Andrew nods. "Yes."

[gothamsheiress]

"Whatever he commands?"

[stilljustandrew]

He blinks.

"Uh, yeah."

[gothamsheiress]

Brix purses her lips.

"I . . . appreciate the joys of giving oneself over to another's commands," she says. "It isn't something I find easy to do. But Naamah doesn't command, in that way."

[stilljustandrew]

He doesn't quite shrug, but looks away in a way that suggests it.

"So like I said. It's ... different."

[gothamsheiress]

"So I see."

Frowning slightly, she asks, "What -- has he ever commanded you to do something you disagreed with?"

[stilljustandrew]

Andrew gives her a blank look.

(There's maybe, if one is looking closely, a touch of fear hiding in it somewhere.)

"Disagreed, how?"

[gothamsheiress]

"Something you didn't wish to do? That made you fearful, or uncomfortable?" She shrugs. "For any reason."

[stilljustandrew]

"I --"

His mouth moves, trying out two or three different responses.

"I mean that's not the same thing as disagreeing, is it?"

[gothamsheiress]

"Perhaps," she allows. "Has he commanded you to do something you don't wish to do?"

[stilljustandrew]

He glances away, and hooks one finger through the ring on the opposite cuff.

"I, I guess maybe? Sometimes? But, but that's not -- that isn't important."

[gothamsheiress]

Brix takes a deep breath.

"It is important," she says, gently.

[stilljustandrew]

Andrew shakes his head. "No it isn't. What I want isn't important. It took me a long time to learn that."

[gothamsheiress]

Which is a statement of such utter abasement that it actually shocks Brix into silence, for several seconds.

"--I beg your pardon?"

[stilljustandrew]

He lets out a small sigh.

"Look," he says, "sometimes I want stuff that's stupid. Or stuff that's bad. Or, or stuff that's just impossible. And that's not just -- that's been like my whole life. So it doesn't make sense to ... to treat any of that like it's a good way to make decisions."

[gothamsheiress]

"Sometimes, yes, sometimes we all do. But that does not make everything we want unimportant. It does not mean that we should -- that we should submit every one of our desires to the will of another, without question or limit."

[stilljustandrew]

He shakes his head again, with a very small smile.

"But it's not just another person."

[gothamsheiress]

"What gives an angel more right to your will? To that which makes you human? Not even Kushiel demands submission without consent of his followers."

[stilljustandrew]

"I told you, He's an archangel. He's higher than angels. He's higher than anybody."

[gothamsheiress]

"And what gives an archangel more right to your will than an angel, or a human?"

[stilljustandrew]

He's starting to look angry at this line of questioning. (And again there's that flicker of fear, trying hard to stay hidden -- not just from her but from himself.)

"You wouldn't ask that if you'd ever met one."

[gothamsheiress]

She takes a slow breath, reigning in her own emotions, and meets his eyes.

"I haven't had that honor," she says, voice low again. "I doubt I ever will. And I don't understand. Can you explain it to me?"

[stilljustandrew]

For a moment he almost considers asking would you like to? -- but she's not a magic-user of any kind, so far as he knows; bringing her back with him would be useless, and still a failure of his mission.

His own voice lowers a little, in unconscious mirroring. "I don't know if I can. It's ... it's bigger than words."