[reverse darkest timeline AU: cellthread #3]

[stilljustandrew]

It's been about two days.

Nobody's come for him.



Andrew's lying down, staring at the far wall.

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[gothamsheiress]

"I don't think it's a matter of wanting to," she says, thoughtful. "I think you simply do."

She cocks her head, considering him.

"Belonging to yourself means that you must take responsibility for yourself, though. And I know that can be hard, fearfully hard."

[stilljustandrew]

Andrew looks away.

(It's clearer this time: he doesn't believe her.)

[gothamsheiress]

All right, different tactic.

"Why don't you want to belong to yourself?"

[stilljustandrew]

He swallows. Doesn't look up.

"I'm not ... good at being in charge." Low and halting. "Of myself. Of anything really. I don't ... make good choices."

[gothamsheiress]

"That's something you can learn, and something your friends can help you with. That you know already that you have trouble with it is a good sign."

[stilljustandrew]

"But I've tried. I tried for years, I thought -- "



"I thought I was getting better."

[gothamsheiress]

"Everyone is trying, Andrew. Day after day and year after year. Believe me," wry, "that is what living is. Trying and failing sometimes, and succeeding others, and trying again. My father used to say that we fall so that we can learn to pick ourselves up."

She picks her head. "When did you feel like you were doing better?"

[stilljustandrew]

Muffled: "Before."

[gothamsheiress]

"Before Lucifer?"

[stilljustandrew]

A nod.

"Before I sum -- tried," he corrects himself, his voice abruptly quick and thin with reflexive fear, "tried to Summon Him."

[gothamsheiress]

"I take you think summoning him was one of those bad choices."

[stilljustandrew]

He hesitates, and then nods again, looking down at his hands.

"It was ... disrespectful." Very low. "Even to try."

[gothamsheiress]

"And that's what made it a poor choice?"

[stilljustandrew]

Another nod, with that same flinching quickness.

"Acting like I, like I had the right -- like I had the power to demand, to try to control, like I could possibly --"

He shivers all over.

"It was stupid. He could have killed me for that."

[gothamsheiress]

"That sounds more as though it was a poor choice because it put you in danger."

[stilljustandrew]

He blinks up at her.

"No, I mean ... not He could have like He might have. Like ... " Fumbling for words. "Like it would have made sense if He had, that's ... that's the kind of insult it was. Like I had it coming."

[gothamsheiress]

"He did not and does not have a right to kill you," she says, matter-of-fact. "Angel or no. Insult does not justify murder."

[stilljustandrew]

Andrew opens his mouth, and closes it again, looking daunted.




"I'm not explaining it right," he mumbles, after a long moment.

[gothamsheiress]

"You're explaining it well enough," she assures him. "I understand what you're trying to say, and I think I understand why. But he had, and has, no more right to your life than I do."

[stilljustandrew]

"... why?"

It's not a question as such; it's an echo of her own use of the word, in a tone that sounds more like he's asking what?

[gothamsheiress]

Brix takes a breath.




"He had you for years." Her tone is low and even. "He threatened and punished you and even killed you, and brought you back so he could do it all again. Of course you came to see him as the center of the universe. He had unimaginable power over you. If he told you that summoning him was an insult, of course you agreed with him. How else could you survive? He never gave you a choice. He took all your choices away."

Her gaze flicks down to the cuffs on his wrists. "And he gave you pain and bondage and the treatment a man gives a recalcitrant hound to replace them."

[stilljustandrew]

He's staring at her in stricken terror, dead pale and silent; utterly motionless, like a prey animal that scents the predator too late.

It's several seconds before he even breathes, and his first breath stutters.

[gothamsheiress]

"I think you know that to be true," she continues, "but you can't accept, yet, that it's safe to think so."

[stilljustandrew]

"He could --"

He's shivering again; in his face, in his voice, there's a shifting combination of dread and hope.

"He could still come for me."

[gothamsheiress]

Brix raises her eyebrows.

"Are you sure you want him to?"