[reverse darkest timeline au] all you want is refuge

[stilljustandrew]

He goes back to his own cell, after the exorcism. And lies down, after a while.

Nita's okay. She'll be okay. There's no reason for him to feel this shaky.

Except there is. Oh, there is.

He's trying not to think about it.

Comments

[stilljustandrew]

"Uh -- ginger tea? With honey? Thanks."

As the waitrat scurries off, he folds his hands on the table, lacing and unlacing his fingers. Seems to be trying to work out what to say.

(Clearly visible, under the sleeves of his flannel shirt, are the bands of pale and withered-looking skin where the cuffs used to be.)

[nita_callahan]

Yeah, it's -- there's kind of an awkward pause.

Nita breaks it.

"So, I'm not sure where to start, so I'm just going to jump in, I guess? And I remember you apologizing to me, and I want you to know -- none of what happened was your fault."

[stilljustandrew]

He looks down at his hands.

"I know," he says, very soft. "I mean, I wasn't sure then, but ... I do know."

A beat.

"But that wasn't what I wanted to say sorry for."

[nita_callahan]

She blinks.

"Oh?"

[stilljustandrew]

"Back when I ... when I first got arrested, and you came to see me? You were trying to help me, and I, I yelled at you. And lied to you."

Still soft; a little muffled. "And I'm sorry."

[nita_callahan]

Nita . . . looks more than a little startled.

"Oh. I -- thank you for that."

[stilljustandrew]

He glances up, with a faint uneven smile. "I know that probably wasn't, like ... still important? Especially right then? But I promised myself I was going to say sorry the next time I saw you, and not put it off, and ... that was then. If you could hear me, I mean."

A beat.

"... I don't know if that makes any sense."

[nita_callahan]

"It does," she says slowly, still off-balance.

"What did you lie about?"

[stilljustandrew]

"When I told you I was ... having trouble sleeping in the cell." He glances away again, his smile fading. "I was telling everybody that."

[nita_callahan]

"--Right." That does ring a bell.

"Do you want to talk about why, or just--" She waves a hand. "Let that be a thing that happened?"

[stilljustandrew]

"I mean, it's not really a secret or anything? I was trying to get where I could ... talk to him, in my sleep. Where he could talk to me, I guess. He can't get through Baby's walls, though." Another uneven smile, with a touch of residual fear. "That's the main reason I'm still sleeping there."

[nita_callahan]

Nita inhales -- exhales, nods.

"Yeah. Same."

The rat returns with their tea at this point, and Nita busies herself for a moment with pouring herself a cup. Trying to pour, at any rate: the pot is still very hot.

"Are you sleeping okay?"

[stilljustandrew]

Andrew has tugged one sleeve down over his palm as a makeshift potholder, to pour his own tea.

"Most of the time," he says slowly, watching the liquid level rise in his cup.

And looks up at her, as he sets the pot down. "Are you?"

[nita_callahan]

Nita shrugs.

"Staying in the Security office helped some. I know it got destroyed, but I kept feeling like it was going to come back."

[stilljustandrew]

He bites his lip. "I get that."

There's a little jar of honey alongside his pot of tea; he reaches for it, carefully.

[nita_callahan]

She glances up at him.

"Yeah," quiet. "I'm sure you do."

Then, blowing out a breath, she shakes her head.

"So I'll probably spend a couple more nights in there. Until it feels safer. I want to see about getting some warding charms, or talismans, or whatever it is they use there, too."

[stilljustandrew]

"-- Oh," and he straightens up sharply in his seat, meeting her eyes in startled recognition, "I can show you that. I, I used to ..." Slowing a little. "I used to have one of those, I'm pretty sure I've still got the design for it somewhere."

[nita_callahan]

"Yeah? That would be awesome. I'd rather have as many kinds of protection as I can before we go back."

[stilljustandrew]

He pauses in midmotion, dipping up a dollop of honey.

"...You're going back?"

[nita_callahan]

"I mean, I want to. We didn't do what we went there to do."

[stilljustandrew]

"Oh," he says again, almost soundlessly.

Nearly all the honey has trickled off the spoon and back into the jar. He refocuses, spoons up more honey, carefully maneuvers it to his teacup, tilts the spoon to pour it into the tea.

"I'll find the design," he says to the cup. "It's ... it should be in one of my notebooks. In my old room."

[nita_callahan]

". . . Would you be okay with that?" she asks, giving him a sidelong look.

[stilljustandrew]

Andrew blinks up at her, momentarily bewildered. "... Finding the design? Yeah. I don't -- you shouldn't --"

He stumbles to a halt, swallows.

"You shouldn't go back there without protection. More than this, even, I just ... this is what I've got."

[nita_callahan]

"Yeah, no, I'm not going to. Like I said, as many kinds as I can get. Anything you can give me is going to be great, Andrew, really."

[stilljustandrew]

He nods a little, still looking a little dismayed. "I'll look. I, it's been ..."

Distractedly, he's started stirring honey into his tea with the spoon from the honey jar.

"I haven't thought about ... any of it. In a long time. I don't know how I even remembered the words for exorcism."