[reverse darkest timeline AU: cellthread #3]

[stilljustandrew]

It's been about two days.

Nobody's come for him.



Andrew's lying down, staring at the far wall.

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[stilljustandrew]

"No," he mumbles, "it's okay, I just thought --"

He shakes his head, drawing in on himself again. "Stupid of me."

[gothamsheiress]

"It isn't."

She half smiles.

"I didn't think you'd be so concerned for me. But I thank you for it."

[stilljustandrew]

He blinks, hard, and rubs his eyes.

"You were for me." Muffled. "You still are. Or, or at least ..."

[gothamsheiress]

She tips her head to the side.

"I am here for you. As best I can be."

[stilljustandrew]

He bites his lips together, as though to keep himself silent.

It doesn't work for very long.

"Why?"

[gothamsheiress]

"You need help, and if I can offer some measure of it, I want to."

She shrugs slightly.

"You deserve to be treated justly, just as everyone does, and I think you deserve to be treated kindly, as well."

[stilljustandrew]

"So not because --"

His mouth twists for a moment.

"Because you want me to change sides again. Forget who I belong to."

[gothamsheiress]

"I would rather help you remember that you belong to yourself."

[stilljustandrew]

He shivers, and draws in on himself further.

[gothamsheiress]

Brix shakes her head.

"I don't know if you believe me."

About her intentions, or about his autonomy.

[stilljustandrew]

"I don't know either. I don't ..."

It's something of the same air he had the other day, of fear at approaching the edge of an unsafe subject.

"What if ..."

[gothamsheiress]

She raises her eyebrows and waits for him to finish.

[stilljustandrew]

He tries to speak, once, twice; hooks one finger through a cuff-ring and squeezes it tight, and tries again.



"What if I don't want to. Belong to myself."

[gothamsheiress]

"I don't think it's a matter of wanting to," she says, thoughtful. "I think you simply do."

She cocks her head, considering him.

"Belonging to yourself means that you must take responsibility for yourself, though. And I know that can be hard, fearfully hard."

[stilljustandrew]

Andrew looks away.

(It's clearer this time: he doesn't believe her.)

[gothamsheiress]

All right, different tactic.

"Why don't you want to belong to yourself?"

[stilljustandrew]

He swallows. Doesn't look up.

"I'm not ... good at being in charge." Low and halting. "Of myself. Of anything really. I don't ... make good choices."

[gothamsheiress]

"That's something you can learn, and something your friends can help you with. That you know already that you have trouble with it is a good sign."

[stilljustandrew]

"But I've tried. I tried for years, I thought -- "



"I thought I was getting better."

[gothamsheiress]

"Everyone is trying, Andrew. Day after day and year after year. Believe me," wry, "that is what living is. Trying and failing sometimes, and succeeding others, and trying again. My father used to say that we fall so that we can learn to pick ourselves up."

She picks her head. "When did you feel like you were doing better?"

[stilljustandrew]

Muffled: "Before."

[gothamsheiress]

"Before Lucifer?"

[stilljustandrew]

A nod.

"Before I sum -- tried," he corrects himself, his voice abruptly quick and thin with reflexive fear, "tried to Summon Him."

[gothamsheiress]

"I take you think summoning him was one of those bad choices."

[stilljustandrew]

He hesitates, and then nods again, looking down at his hands.

"It was ... disrespectful." Very low. "Even to try."