[reverse darkest timeline] if i'm not beyond repair

[stilljustandrew]

Composing the note takes him the better part of an hour, and a great deal of cross-outs and scribbling.

Brix,

I was wondering if y
It's been a
How hav
You said if There's been some stuff and I wanted to

If you have some time to talk could you let me know? I'm doing I think I'm still doing better but something happened and I'm not I wanted to tell you about it.

Thanks,
Andrew

He writes out two clean copies of the note, leaves one at the Security desk and one with Bar.

Comments

[stilljustandrew]

"Yeah." A pause; he studies the crackers he's holding. "So, since I told him I wasn't sorry I'd drugged him and tried to kidnap him for Lucifer, basically."

He tosses the crackers into his mouth like they're a couple of pills, and chews.

[gothamsheiress]

Evenly: "A great deal has changed for you since then."

[stilljustandrew]

He finishes chewing, swallows. "Yeah, but like ... he didn't know about any of that. So he was maybe a little freaked out? And I mean, I was too, for a whole bunch of different reasons, and ... Ava said I should give them the space until they got things settled, so I went back to my room."

There's condensation on the outside of his glass, forming tiny beads of moisture. He traces a finger through it.

"And she came by later, and told me what was going on. That it was a demon. And I thought -- what if it was one of His, what if it came here to find me."

[gothamsheiress]

There are at least two things Andrew's just mentioned that she'd like to discuss, but for now:

"Was that the case?"

[stilljustandrew]

He shakes his head. "I didn't find out until a lot later, but no. I mean it knew who I was, it'd heard of me, but that wasn't why."

[gothamsheiress]

"How did you find out?"

[stilljustandrew]

"The truth spell. Later. It was ... I didn't ask it that, I asked it something else, but it said it just took Nita because it wanted to get away. From that world."

[gothamsheiress]

"I see."

She tilts her head, considering him.

"What did you think of that?"

[stilljustandrew]

Very softly: "I mean, it's terrible there, I couldn't blame him for wanting to get away. But if --"

His voice rises a little. (He doesn't notice that he's switched pronouns.)

"-- if he'd just asked, I mean Matt was ready to construct a whole new body if it would just leave Nita alone, we were trying --"

[gothamsheiress]

Brix doesn't interrupt, though her focus sharpens again as Andrew's voice starts to rise.

[stilljustandrew]

He breathes out, a touch shakily.

"I could have felt sorry for him. ... For it. Him? I don't know. I could have. But ... Kali asked, under the truth spell, what it would do if it could get free. And it couldn't even, like ... offer a deal. That it would leave us alone if we'd let it go."

[gothamsheiress]

"Then you didn't feel sorry for it."

[stilljustandrew]

Silence. He picks up another goldfish.



Small-voiced: "It wouldn't let Nita go. I mean, I don't know, should I have?"

[gothamsheiress]

"Our feelings don't always obey should and shouldn't."

[stilljustandrew]

"Yeah," he sighs, and crunches the cracker.

"... I forget where I was up to."

[gothamsheiress]

"You found out why it took Nita, and that it had no intention of freeing her."

[stilljustandrew]

"Right," he says, and then "but no, wait, that was later. I, I talked to it before that, just ... by myself. Without a truth spell. It tried to make me think it was Nita talking, and then it told me Nita was okay with having it in her. And I, I knew it was lying, but I tried ..."

A long beat.

"It was maybe a bad idea," he says, low. "I offered to, like ... trade places."

He gives her a swift, furtive look from under his brows, trying to see how she takes this.

[gothamsheiress]

Her expression is still open and calm, neutral.

"Why did you do that?"

[stilljustandrew]

"For Nita. To get her free. Because ..."

His throat's trying to tighten; he drinks some more ginger ale.

"Because of the other thing I was afraid of. That maybe the demon wanted to bring her to Lucifer. Because she's a wizard and he wanted people with power, and I ... didn't bring him any."

[gothamsheiress]

Brix does frown slightly at this.

"I'm not sure I understand why you taking her place would make a difference to that. I thought that the demon -- or Nita, with the demon inside her -- was in the cells. Was she in danger of being taken back to Lucifer's world?"

[stilljustandrew]

"... I mean, if it escaped?" he says a little feebly.

"But even if it didn't, if that was why it took her, then ..."

[gothamsheiress]

"Then what?"

[stilljustandrew]

"Then if I could do something to get it out of her ..."

His forehead is furrowed, as though in pain or concentration, as he works through the sentence.

"... it felt like I had to. Like it was ... my fault. Or my job, or ... something."

[gothamsheiress]

"Why would it have been your fault? Did you tell them to go to Lucifer's world?"

[stilljustandrew]

"No! I didn't even know they were going, I -- "

He sighs. "Look, I know. I know it doesn't make sense. And Nita already told me I shouldn't have, she said she wouldn't have let me."