[reverse darkest timeline] if i'm not beyond repair

[stilljustandrew]

Composing the note takes him the better part of an hour, and a great deal of cross-outs and scribbling.

Brix,

I was wondering if y
It's been a
How hav
You said if There's been some stuff and I wanted to

If you have some time to talk could you let me know? I'm doing I think I'm still doing better but something happened and I'm not I wanted to tell you about it.

Thanks,
Andrew

He writes out two clean copies of the note, leaves one at the Security desk and one with Bar.

Comments

[stilljustandrew]

Andrew takes his drink, and puts the little bowl of crackers where they can both reach it, just in case she wants any.

"I saw them coming in with her because I was coming out," he says, low. "To the bar. I've been ... keeping to a routine, with that? At least once every other day, even if I don't really feel like it. Even if it's just to, like, take a walk up and down the hallway and call that good."

He swallows some ginger ale, picks up a couple of crackers but doesn't eat them yet.

"So I saw them, and it's like -- there's Kali, and she knows who I am, and she's carrying Nita and she's unconscious, and -- and there's Matt, and he's just staring at me like --"

He does his best to imitate Matt's tense, shocked-looking stare.

"And I mean of course he is, I don't blame him, it's the first time he's seen me since ... I think since that same day."

[gothamsheiress]

"Since he spoke to you in the cells?"

[stilljustandrew]

"Yeah." A pause; he studies the crackers he's holding. "So, since I told him I wasn't sorry I'd drugged him and tried to kidnap him for Lucifer, basically."

He tosses the crackers into his mouth like they're a couple of pills, and chews.

[gothamsheiress]

Evenly: "A great deal has changed for you since then."

[stilljustandrew]

He finishes chewing, swallows. "Yeah, but like ... he didn't know about any of that. So he was maybe a little freaked out? And I mean, I was too, for a whole bunch of different reasons, and ... Ava said I should give them the space until they got things settled, so I went back to my room."

There's condensation on the outside of his glass, forming tiny beads of moisture. He traces a finger through it.

"And she came by later, and told me what was going on. That it was a demon. And I thought -- what if it was one of His, what if it came here to find me."

[gothamsheiress]

There are at least two things Andrew's just mentioned that she'd like to discuss, but for now:

"Was that the case?"

[stilljustandrew]

He shakes his head. "I didn't find out until a lot later, but no. I mean it knew who I was, it'd heard of me, but that wasn't why."

[gothamsheiress]

"How did you find out?"

[stilljustandrew]

"The truth spell. Later. It was ... I didn't ask it that, I asked it something else, but it said it just took Nita because it wanted to get away. From that world."

[gothamsheiress]

"I see."

She tilts her head, considering him.

"What did you think of that?"

[stilljustandrew]

Very softly: "I mean, it's terrible there, I couldn't blame him for wanting to get away. But if --"

His voice rises a little. (He doesn't notice that he's switched pronouns.)

"-- if he'd just asked, I mean Matt was ready to construct a whole new body if it would just leave Nita alone, we were trying --"

[gothamsheiress]

Brix doesn't interrupt, though her focus sharpens again as Andrew's voice starts to rise.

[stilljustandrew]

He breathes out, a touch shakily.

"I could have felt sorry for him. ... For it. Him? I don't know. I could have. But ... Kali asked, under the truth spell, what it would do if it could get free. And it couldn't even, like ... offer a deal. That it would leave us alone if we'd let it go."

[gothamsheiress]

"Then you didn't feel sorry for it."

[stilljustandrew]

Silence. He picks up another goldfish.



Small-voiced: "It wouldn't let Nita go. I mean, I don't know, should I have?"

[gothamsheiress]

"Our feelings don't always obey should and shouldn't."

[stilljustandrew]

"Yeah," he sighs, and crunches the cracker.

"... I forget where I was up to."

[gothamsheiress]

"You found out why it took Nita, and that it had no intention of freeing her."

[stilljustandrew]

"Right," he says, and then "but no, wait, that was later. I, I talked to it before that, just ... by myself. Without a truth spell. It tried to make me think it was Nita talking, and then it told me Nita was okay with having it in her. And I, I knew it was lying, but I tried ..."

A long beat.

"It was maybe a bad idea," he says, low. "I offered to, like ... trade places."

He gives her a swift, furtive look from under his brows, trying to see how she takes this.

[gothamsheiress]

Her expression is still open and calm, neutral.

"Why did you do that?"

[stilljustandrew]

"For Nita. To get her free. Because ..."

His throat's trying to tighten; he drinks some more ginger ale.

"Because of the other thing I was afraid of. That maybe the demon wanted to bring her to Lucifer. Because she's a wizard and he wanted people with power, and I ... didn't bring him any."

[gothamsheiress]

Brix does frown slightly at this.

"I'm not sure I understand why you taking her place would make a difference to that. I thought that the demon -- or Nita, with the demon inside her -- was in the cells. Was she in danger of being taken back to Lucifer's world?"

[stilljustandrew]

"... I mean, if it escaped?" he says a little feebly.

"But even if it didn't, if that was why it took her, then ..."

[gothamsheiress]

"Then what?"

[stilljustandrew]

"Then if I could do something to get it out of her ..."

His forehead is furrowed, as though in pain or concentration, as he works through the sentence.

"... it felt like I had to. Like it was ... my fault. Or my job, or ... something."